A Journey Through Grief: Gentle, Specific Help to Get You by Alla Renee Bozarth Ph.D

By Alla Renee Bozarth Ph.D

For these folks operating during the heartbreak of grief, writer Bozarth bargains clever and comforting suggestion.

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Sample text

Let yourself be held, but choose the person you ask wisely. It is better to cry in someone else's presence than to do so alone. In deep pain or genuine sorrow, that is true not because you need an audience, but because you need a witness to your pain, a witness in the religious sense. You need someone to testify to the validity of your feelings, to acknowledge them and to say yes to the good work you are doing in expressing them. If you feel too uncomfortable to cry much in front of other persons, or if you worry that you will bore them with your tears, then place yourself in the presence of God, however you may conceive of God, and entrust your tears to that Page 17 presence.

You trace my journeys and my resting places and are acquainted with all my ways. Indeed, there is not a word on my lips but you know it altogether. You press upon me, behind and before. You lay your hand upon me. "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me. It is so high that I cannot attain to it. Where can I go then from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I climb up to heaven, you are there. If I make the grave my bed, you are there also. If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand will lead me and your right hand hold me fast.

Recognize them as your own. Feel your feelings. They won't destroy you, because you can learn to express them safely and constructively with the reassuring help of others. Care for yourself. In coping with grievous loss, make life as healing as possible for yourself. Surround yourself with comforting basicsfood, bed, the security of an income, friends, or family. If it's not easy to do this, get the help that you need. If your own biological family is not supportive of you, you can adopt persons whom you trust to be a family for you, to give you the nourishing support you need, with the shared understanding that in time, this support will be mutual, even if it can't be for now.

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